Surviving The Snub


dowager grantham

Like many others, I am quite obsessed with “Downton Abbey”. It’s an insight into the way the British upper classes lived, the way everything is so structured down to the servants’ quarters where all the servants have to stand up whenever the butler, Carson approaches the dining table. It’s amusing to watch and my favourite character has to be the Dowager Countess Grantham who has the best one-liners. She’s crusty, feisty, strong-minded, kind-hearted despite her steely demeanour and even when she is snobbish, she is quite lovable.

Which brings me to my topic – what do you do when you’re snubbed? I’ve never been snubbed as much as I have in the past 3 years, ever since I started blogging. Being snubbed comes in many forms. I don’t mind as much if someone doesn’t reply my emails (that’s happened more times than I bother to count) but I do mind when I’m in close physical contact with someone who turns away when they see me approaching.

Okay I get that not everyone likes my face and even though I know I haven’t done anything terrible to anyone in particular, I wonder why some people make it so obvious that they don’t want to talk to me by pretending to be busy with their smartphones when I happen to sit opposite or next to them. Sometimes it isn’t my choice to sit near them. I may have placed my file on my seat and walked away to inspect products or talk to someone and when I get back to my seat, Miss Snob is next to me so what do I do? Move away? Why should I when I chose that seat first. So Miss Snob continues to be busy with her phone and when I try to break the ice by asking a question, all I get is incoherent mumbles which I can’t make out a word of. I’d have laughed if it wasn’t so pathetic.

There have been many, many occasions where I’ve come close to saying hi to someone only for that person to look past me at an imaginary person or object when there is nothing behind me or when I’ve actually waved to someone only for them to pretend not to have seen me. I know I’m not being paranoid because it’s happened too many times.

What would you do if you got snubbed? I have developed a thicker skin or should I say thicker epidermis and yes, every time I see the same people who snub me, I avoid them like the plague. I’ve tried breaking the ice before with someone who only spoke to me once and I knew that over her dead body, she’d ever initiate the conversation with me. You think that did the trick? Of course not, I saw her again after I’d broken the ice and she didn’t even acknowledge my presence the next time she saw me. There’re lots of people with the Snow Queen attitude out there and even our insufferable humid climate does nothing to thaw them. Even the Countess Dowager of Grantham would seem friendly compared to most people I have encountered in the past 3 years.



  1. OMG I know that feeling!! I really don’t understand why that some of the people can ignore my Hi and my wave. There are so many chances for us to meet in different occasions and these Snow Queen and Snow King can treat me as thin air. I don’t understand their behavior and I always tell myself that they are shy to talk to me. And yes, pretending to be busy with their smartphones is the most convenient tricks for them. Well I don’t get upset or unhappy with their attitudes since life is so short and I won’t waste time on them. Anyway, I will still say Hello and try to talk to them, that’s my own manner and social ethics.

    • Oh thank God someone knows what it’s like. I was beginning to think I was the only one who gets snubbed like there’s no tomorrow. Some people, I tell you, you can feel the iciness in the room when they enter and even though it’s hot, I can suddenly feel my body temperature drop. If looks could kill, I would have been 6 feet under many times over. Even my school didn’t have so many mean girls. By comparison, celebs are more approachable & less likely to snub unimportant me.

    • Yes indeed!! I have no idea why some people can talk to me very friendly in email but he/she turns into an icy person when we get to meet up in person. This is really weird and I totally cannot understand it. They just don’t bother to talk to you or answer to your questions! As you said, this has developed more thickness on my skin haha. I even googled on this weird behavior and it was explained as “Social disorder”, “incapable to communicate” and “lack of confident”.

    • Wah lau! You even googled this behavior? You are more “terror” than me because I just make a quick exit or hide behind pillars, that’s my m.o. Oooops! The cat is now out of the bag. It’s very funny how some people avoid looking at you, so many tactics I have learned from them. I don’t know if this is a Malaysian phenomenon. It’s very common at every event. Just observe where people sit, where their eyes look (or not if they just look at their phones). A book would be useful if you want to avoid looking around since you’ll be too “engrossed” in it. Ooooo! I had better not let out too many secrets huh? Luckily we are mentally strong otherwise we’d be mentally scarred and have to talk to psychiatrists about people ignoring us. I need a stiff drink when I see some sourpusses’ faces.

    • Because I really don’t understand why are these people acting in this weird way! And Google always have the answer for everything on this Earth. Yes I agree with you! They really have so many different tactics and patterns to keep themselves busy and smartphones and brochures are their best tools haha! We can do a small research on their psychology now hehe~

    • I couldn’t agree with you more. When in doubt, consult Google, it has the answer to everything. It’s always an “ouch” moment when you wave to someone & they look beyond you vacantly (I wish I was that expert) and worse, about to say “hi” to someone who spun round 90 degrees to look at you, stop with her foot in mid-air and then guess what, carry on walking! If that isn’t a snub, then I am Big Bird. It’s like a loss of face if they initiate conversation with you first. No one wants to lose out so you know what. If I can’t beat the crowd, I join them.

    • I absolutely know those situations! Yes sometimes it happens so often (Almost all the time in my hostel and faculty! I used to think that engineers are all cold-blooded haha) that I almost want to join the crowd and become a Snow Princess as well. Yet, I still take the initiative to greet and talk since I think this is the right thing to do.